Why I don’t make New Years Resolutions

Last December, I took a big leap. I left an easy relationship (ie. not perfect) moved out of the area of Boston that I had lived in for 5 years and started over…again. Honestly, I’ve done this before because I am not the type of person to just settle if I’m not happy. I have never wanted to be one of those people that sticks with a job or a person just because it’s comfortable or easy. Sure, there have been hard times when I’m like, “Crap, I can’t afford groceries this week.” But I some how always make it through.

This is why I don’t make resolutions.

It’s a waste of time to wait for a certain day of the year to make a change. I make changes that are aligned with my goals and MY timeline, not the calendars. In the past when I have tried to make resolutions it was more like me going through the motions rather than really working towards a goal that is important to me.

What I prefer to do at the end of one year and the beginning of another is to asses how that year went and what I can work on throughout the next year. A lot of these things aren’t measurable and I don’t really know if I’m making progress until a certain situation may come up and how I react.

So what has 2017 taught me?

-I need to stop caring so much about what others think about me. It’s a huge source of my stress and it’s kept me from my own success.

I DO NOT NEED TO KEEP UP WITH THE JONES’. A lot of my friends in this industry are rocking it. They have amazing blogs and social media and are killing it. But as you can see I struggle to keep up and that’s OKAY. I have a different path, still fitness but I chose to go down a management path because it fits my end game better.

No days off is unhealthy. I did so many races in 2016, I was constantly training and missed out on some of the important things in life because I always had some race or training plan to stick to. Where did that land me in 2017? Over trained and injured so none of my races went well. 2018 I will be more selective so that I can live life.

-I love fitness, but there’s more to me than just fitness. Someone told me this year that they like me because I can talk about things other than fitness, I love musicals and ballet, I’m well read. I think I forgot this about myself because the first thing that everyone wants to talk about these days is health and fitness. How about that latest Ruth Ware book?

What am I working on in 2018?

Killing a 70.3. I’m not trying to keep up with anyone, this is for ME. I need to cross that finish line not because I’m trying to impress my followers, but because I crave it.

Reading more. Every year I set a goal to read 24 books a year, so 2 books a month. But it’s been just any book to get that number. This year, I want to read for fun, but I also want to read to grow. Whether it’s a classic I haven’t read or a self help book to help me grow, I want to read more so I can become the best version of me.

Travel more. Like most people I want to see places and learn things. But I’ve let other life things get in the way (work and races). So this year you get to see me explore the Mayan ruins, visit my family in the Philippines and traipse around Italy.

I’m excited for what the future months hold. I love that I can look back and see how much I’ve grown in a year because day to day it’s really hard to see and some times even I get discouraged. So when the clock strikes midnight on December 31, remind yourself how far you’ve come and that progress is still progress.

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Detox your life now!

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First, this post isn’t about detoxing your body, this is about detoxing your life of the negative energy. Have you ever had a relationship with the someone that just drains you? They complain about their problems but don’t do anything to change their situation, they shoot you down at every chance that they get or nothing that comes out of their mouth is positive whether it’s about them, you or someone else. If you answered yes, then you have a toxic person in your life.

I’ve been victim to these relationships myself. In fact, one of the girls that I thought to be one of my best friends in college, was probably one of my most toxic relationships.  We met day one freshman year of college in Bio 150 and were close throughout those four years and afterwards as well. Even when we lived in different states we would talk every day. But every decision I made for myself was wrong because it wasn’t how she was living her life and she constantly was complaining about SOMETHING. Everything was hard and stressful for her, yet she never seemed to do anything to change her job, her living situation or anything. It finally came down to the last straw when she was planning her wedding, I had just start a new job as a personal trainer and wasn’t making enough money to fly out to her wedding, get a hotel room, rent a car and buy a gift. So I decided that I couldn’t attend, it was just not financially responsible for me at the time. Well I heard it. It was her big day and I was being selfish, I had known about it for 6 months so I should have planned better and saved more money. Well, I had, but I decided to make a big leap in my career and take this job so whatever I had saved up I needed to keep in savings so that I could afford to live. But she couldn’t see it that way and told me I would never amount to anything.

That’s when I decided that this relationship was no longer contributing anything positively to my life. So I told her good bye, blocked her number and have not spoken to her again. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do and sometimes I still wonder how she’s doing.

But that’s when I realized I felt like I had a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders.  I was no longer drained from talking to her. I didn’t have our daily conversations that were filled with negative gossip and unwanted advice. But I also learned a lot, like how to identify these toxic people and stop or end the relationship before it goes too far.

That’s Step one: Identify the Toxic People in your life.

-Toxic people make you feel worse than when you started talking to them. They bring your energy level down. They leave you feeling bummed out. Notice how your body feels after talking to them, particularly your chest and stomach which are areas where most of us carry stress and anxiety.
-There is a difference between someone sharing with you their struggles/challenges versus someone who constantly complains
-Toxic people shoot down your ideas. They always question what you’re doing. They may say something like, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t change careers because you have so much job security here. What about your benefits? Or your retirement?” This is pretty common and sometimes subtle and harder to notice. Even though it may sound like they’re giving you advice, in the end they’re just putting more doubts into your head because your actions may bring up their own fears and insecurity.

Step two: Let them go.

-Listen to Nike. Just do it. Use whatever method you see appropriate, you might want to just say good bye and cut it off cold turkey or gracefully bow out of their life slowly, apologize for being distant but you don’t need to defend your actions.
-Avoiding explanations, they may take it personally and probably get defensive but YOU need to be your own best friend and do what’s best for you.

Step three: Don’t feel guilty

-Like I said before, you need to do what’s best for your and if that relationship isn’t doing it anymore then it’s time to move on. That happens, we grow up and we change and sometimes relationships don’t withstand that change.
-You’ve tried your best to keep that relationship going, but at some point we need to realize that unless they’re willing to put in the effort as well, then you should not waste anymore energy.

Step four: Bring on the positivity!!

-Find relationships that are fulfilling and supportive.
-Surround yourself with encouragement and people that inspire you to do big things in your life!

Share with me your experiences with negative relationships and how you’ve detoxed your life or how you need to start!!