First, this post isn’t about detoxing your body, this is about detoxing your life of the negative energy. Have you ever had a relationship with the someone that just drains you? They complain about their problems but don’t do anything to change their situation, they shoot you down at every chance that they get or nothing that comes out of their mouth is positive whether it’s about them, you or someone else. If you answered yes, then you have a toxic person in your life.
I’ve been victim to these relationships myself. In fact, one of the girls that I thought to be one of my best friends in college, was probably one of my most toxic relationships. We met day one freshman year of college in Bio 150 and were close throughout those four years and afterwards as well. Even when we lived in different states we would talk every day. But every decision I made for myself was wrong because it wasn’t how she was living her life and she constantly was complaining about SOMETHING. Everything was hard and stressful for her, yet she never seemed to do anything to change her job, her living situation or anything. It finally came down to the last straw when she was planning her wedding, I had just start a new job as a personal trainer and wasn’t making enough money to fly out to her wedding, get a hotel room, rent a car and buy a gift. So I decided that I couldn’t attend, it was just not financially responsible for me at the time. Well I heard it. It was her big day and I was being selfish, I had known about it for 6 months so I should have planned better and saved more money. Well, I had, but I decided to make a big leap in my career and take this job so whatever I had saved up I needed to keep in savings so that I could afford to live. But she couldn’t see it that way and told me I would never amount to anything.
That’s when I decided that this relationship was no longer contributing anything positively to my life. So I told her good bye, blocked her number and have not spoken to her again. It was probably one of the hardest things I’ve had to do and sometimes I still wonder how she’s doing.
But that’s when I realized I felt like I had a huge burden lifted off of my shoulders. I was no longer drained from talking to her. I didn’t have our daily conversations that were filled with negative gossip and unwanted advice. But I also learned a lot, like how to identify these toxic people and stop or end the relationship before it goes too far.
That’s Step one: Identify the Toxic People in your life.
-Toxic people make you feel worse than when you started talking to them. They bring your energy level down. They leave you feeling bummed out. Notice how your body feels after talking to them, particularly your chest and stomach which are areas where most of us carry stress and anxiety.
-There is a difference between someone sharing with you their struggles/challenges versus someone who constantly complains
-Toxic people shoot down your ideas. They always question what you’re doing. They may say something like, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t change careers because you have so much job security here. What about your benefits? Or your retirement?” This is pretty common and sometimes subtle and harder to notice. Even though it may sound like they’re giving you advice, in the end they’re just putting more doubts into your head because your actions may bring up their own fears and insecurity.
Step two: Let them go.
-Listen to Nike. Just do it. Use whatever method you see appropriate, you might want to just say good bye and cut it off cold turkey or gracefully bow out of their life slowly, apologize for being distant but you don’t need to defend your actions.
-Avoiding explanations, they may take it personally and probably get defensive but YOU need to be your own best friend and do what’s best for you.
Step three: Don’t feel guilty
-Like I said before, you need to do what’s best for your and if that relationship isn’t doing it anymore then it’s time to move on. That happens, we grow up and we change and sometimes relationships don’t withstand that change.
-You’ve tried your best to keep that relationship going, but at some point we need to realize that unless they’re willing to put in the effort as well, then you should not waste anymore energy.
Step four: Bring on the positivity!!
-Find relationships that are fulfilling and supportive.
-Surround yourself with encouragement and people that inspire you to do big things in your life!
Share with me your experiences with negative relationships and how you’ve detoxed your life or how you need to start!!